ZzzzzZZZZzzzzZZOOO...

I went to the zoo today.  By myself.  Because I was impulsive and couldn't be bothered to arrange for other people to come along.  And also because most of my friends were diving, the rest were f*cking off somewhere or probably already had plans.

Tiger, tiger burning bright.  No bengal tiger so some stripes in the leaves will do.

And why not anyway?  Just pack your gear, get a taxi and turn up at the zoo together with 1 million other visitors.  I was tempted to take photos of people and their myraid gestures... mostly those of impatience, frustration and confusion.

"Where are the lions?" I heard a lady ask and it was then I realised I hadn't seen them all day either.  The throngs of people must be covering the signs.  And no matter how I walked today I didn't end up anywhere near the lions... nor the zebras... nor the giraffes... nor the raccoons... nor the rhinos... -_-

ZZZZzzzZZZZZ!!!!! No natural predators.  Only noisy children.  No problem.

It's not that I'm mad at the whole world going to the zoo today.  More visitors means the zoo gets more revenue to take care of their animals.  Who in turn sleep all day like this otter.  Which is fine even if they are boring as camera subjects.  Until the millions of children stand around the enclosure screaming at the top of their voices in a variety of languages (I assume they were all screaming the same thing):

"WAKKKEEEEE UUPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEEEE UPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 (What?  You didn't think they were screaming something else like... well... "WHY ARE WE LOOKING AT THIS SLEEPING THING?! WE WANT ICE CREAM!!! ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!")

Polar Bear: I can't stand it! I can't stand it! Make them stop!

Even the polar bears agree.  They were so many people thronging the theatre during the show and pointing and saying "Polar Bear polar bear polar bear look at the polar bear" I'm sure that the polar bears have learnt to say their own species name in human tongue.

 

Bird: Fierce savage polar bear? Nothing compared to the crowd outside.  Scoot over, bear!

Bear: Okaay... are you palatable as dessert?  I just ate the main course

This mynah couldn't find a tree to perch on because there were so many people and not enough standing room that the adults have resorted to throwing their offspring onto their shoulders, ledges, branches and treetops so that they can catch a glimpse of something splashing in the water somewhere somehow even if it's not exactly the animal they had set out to see.

 

White Tiger: "Look at me! I'm fierce and terrifying... ZZZZzzzzZZZ!!!!!"

This white tiger was off duty.  While its buddy was prancing up and down the rocks doing catwalk duty, this fella puckered down in the water under a few tatty leaves and fell asleep.  I hadn't noticed it if it weren't for the thousands for fingers pointing in its direction.  It's any wonder the tiger continued to sleep amidst the noise.  Maybe there's invisible sound-proofing around each enclosure. 

Tiger: "I need to retire from all this modelling business and get a desk job."

It didn't help that it was at least 34 degrees out in the sun.  It didn't help that people kept trying to run into my camera lens.  What gives?  Mine's a really compact zoom lens.  Everytime I put the camera to my eye, they must instinctively think: "She can't see us now! Quick kids! Let's ram past her!" I guess the people who were carrying Canon f2.8 70-200mm today (I saw a few) must already be suffering the damage of a broken lens and hundreds of ruined photos.  Either that or they were using the lens to whack people out of the way.

 

  "Look! Humans are fighting because it's crowded! Let's beat up this guy because we are intelligent and learn quickly from human behaviour."

 

"Hey baby... You want some of this?"

Another evidence of this is this particular monkey's spittingly identical gesture and behaviour of one of my most jackass-est guy friend, G.

Jackass Penguin: "I'm not a jackass! I'm a gentieman! I don't allow my children to run around and step on other people! Get this damn band off me!"

It was so crowded that when I happened to wander into the Splash Amphitheatre, the theatre was almost filled at 1:45 when the show was supposed to start at 2:30.  Being confused after having been run into by so many people, I settled down into one of the seats thinking that the show was about to start in a few minutes or something (otherwise why would there be so many people, other than the fact that there is currently a boom in human population which is too large-scale for me to think of as a reason in an enclosed setting?).

Sealion: "You guys waited one hour to see this? HA! I'm made for life! A lifetime of free flowing fish for me!"

The sea lion and manatees entertained me no end.  They were so entertaining I actually put down my camera and enjoyed the show instead.  Even though particular aisle climbing/exercising children kept stomping on people because their parents condoned them getting some much needed exercise by treading on people's feet.

Hey waiting for one hour before the show in order to get a seat is a new record in kiasu-ism.  When are they going to give us the world record title?

 

"Who are you callin' ugly?  I'm not ugly! Kiasu people are ugly."

I wanted to take a photo of the throng of people who couldn't get into the amphitheatre but who clogged up the sides anyway because ... well... why not?  There's no sign saying we can't.  I changed my mind because they looked hot, bothered, frustrated, mob-by and possibly unfriendly to photographers.

Boy: "Awww Mum... do I really have to do this??"

Sealion: "Awww Man... do I really have to do this for fish??"

The parents were so eager for the children to have first hand experience with animals that I overheard a Mum tell her child (maybe not the child in the photo above): "Hurry up and line up.  If you miss the chance to meet the sea lion, don't blame me for it."

 

Take a page from monkey upbringing.  Leave your offspring at home.  Or on a high rock.

Parents are so eager about this early childhood education thingy that there were few month old babies in the crowd (yes you can tell because their eyesight hasn't developed yet and they're looking at everything else but the animals on show) who were ironically being carried by their parents so that they were facing my camera lens (and wondering what the hell is that) instead of the stage.  What the hell?  I thought this was about educating your child!? Your child's first memories of sea lion is a lady photographer waving a zoom lens!

"You've had a bad day.  Here, let me pose and give you the favourite shot of the day."

I missed the lions, zebras, giraffes, ring-tailed lemurs and much more.  Guess I'll have to go back one of these days and brave the crowds again.  But at least this photo made my day.  What an adorable fella!

See the rest of my photos here will ya?  (And don't bring your children if you suck as a parent.)